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OverView of my Mind
Welcome to the home of Chaos, where the thoughts of my mind reside. If you do not like what is written in here then don't read it, i hold no sway over your choice and as such do not judge this place and force your view on me, i simply don't care for it.
If you wish to read then by all means do so, i make no claim to it making sense or being rational, it is the confusion that lives within my head put in words. Read as you wish.
~Shadoweaver~
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Jul. 9th, 2008 @ 06:32 pm 2008
It's been over a year since i was last on here and posted something. And it's been a long year. I've still been working at the same place, still sailing, still single, still at uni, and still don't really know where i am in life. though i believe that i have matured.

Life has come to a choice ove rthe last fortnight, to continue work and doing uni part time, or quit work and go back to uni full time, with the aim of finishing at the end of next year. It's not an easy decision to come to, in fact quite the opposite, it's damn hard.

actaully, while i've sat here and typed tha last paragraph i think i've made my decision, depending on class allocationg i think i'll be back at uni. no work. while the money's good there's more i can be learning and doing at this stage of my life. like living it for instance.

As for sailing...
Wel at the end of october i'll be competing in the Gosford to Lord Howe Island race. a three day race on a 55 foot yacht, and we don't break anything and work well together then we'll hopefully also be doing the Sydney to Hobart race. which will ruin new years eve parties but hey, can't have eerything (though i will try).

well i'm off, for now. we'll see if i end up back here at some stage or another...
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Jun. 1st, 2007 @ 06:44 pm life as it stands
if you read the last few entries you'll notice a trend of saying "well, its been ages" or "well, its been a long time" and nothing has changed because it simply has.
i don't need the constant outlet this gave me once, but it's still good to go back and read sometimes. but to the present.
Still working long hours through the week, am doing, well, ok at uni. passing one of my subjects, failing the other. and finals in are about 2 weeks away. i'm still single but am enjoying life for the most part. am still sailing regularly and am now playing in two oztag teams. sailing has unfortunatly been less frequent of late but things should pick up again soon.i'll still be sailing the yachts but am also going to start match racing in the etchells, which are a one design class. so it should be fun and let me improve my skills some more.
i'm not too sure what i really want out of life at the moment, i'm sort of in limbo a bit. i'm becoming more interested in the modifying of cars but don't have the finacne to back it up, plus more interesting in racing/rallying them. i think it has something to do with friends in mx5 racing them and a good mate being a driver/co-driver, and well as his misses being co-driver for Tony Sullens (a rally driver on the central coast for those who don't know, won targa tasmania this year over Jim Richards).
we'll just have to see what life has in store.
till next time...
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Feb. 20th, 2007 @ 07:07 pm (no subject)
My mind is: accepting
Well it's been a long while since i was here. but life's going alright at the moment. and recent events re-minded me of this place. i'm now working full time (40+ hrs a week) and taking a part time load at uni (3 days a week), plus sailing, oztag, marketing for the Engineering societya nd now started writing again. i think with all this i should have enough to occupy myself. though i must admit that working all day on the computer for work has meant i have less urge to be on one at home and so the writing part is faultering a little. we'll just have to see what happens though.

~Shadow~
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Aug. 16th, 2006 @ 05:38 pm long time
well its been ages since i've been here, and i'd say the few who ever read this have forgotten. but anyway...

life doesn't seem so bad any mre. there are still times when things don't work and i wonder but most of the time i can at least amuse myself in some pointless way and not get so down about everything.
i'm now single and in no real hurry to change that, i know now what i don't want, though i won't say it here. i also know more of what i do want. and that applies in life as well. i've unfortunatly shut some doors which i would of liked to go through but as with all things will keep going and see where things lead from here. with a bit of luck all things will be on an uphill slide for once in my life.

i've finally got through maths 2 at uni after failing it 3 times. so i have a new focus to pass, and a little more motivation now, though still not as much as what i would lke to have. but i will take and use what i can get for now.

oh well, i might write again at some stage, we'll just have to wait and see....

Shadow
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Mar. 1st, 2006 @ 02:44 pm uni
well, its been a while since i was here last.

uni is completely fucked up. as most know due to my progress rate i've been excluded from uni, i appealled this and my appeal is likely to be upheld. yay. but now the fuck up begins. the UPO (my faculty office) first off all accepted my approved and signed for subjects, the next time i went in there they said i couldn't do maths as the subject was full. so then i had to get permission of the subject co-ordinator, which wasn't all hard, and so that sorted that out. but now i can't get a damn student card until i recieve some shitty letter saying that my appeal has gone through. whish means as of this week i'm going to be paying 46.70 or something for my weekly train fair to uni. which just completly sucks ass. and everyone is just too fucking up themselves to be bothered helping in any way.
But not everything is so bad. i've made some friends through friends wtih the second years and so some subjects are at least barable. i'm doing maths again (3rd time at UTS, 4th overalll) and i have no intentions of failing it (else i'll be kicked out anyway.). and also in a good note is some friends i made last year who've i've met up with again. and o-camp. i should mention that as that was the entirety of last week. it was good fun, i've now got a cold from it which the coff is damn near killing me but overall it was a great time and i will definatly be going again next week. yay for a week of drinking. and yes, i mean every night.

well i should go, i still have an hour to kill, might go read again. my hands a aching a bit since i haven't typed properly for any length for ages now. we'll see what happens in the future.

Cheers guys,
Hayden
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Feb. 4th, 2006 @ 02:06 pm bec
well, the other night we managed to sort some things out. or to an extent anyway. were still friends but she's still wanting ti to be more than just friends. and there is no way i am going back to that. however, i can't really say that so i'm stuck in this limbo spot of being friends with her and trying to fend her off at the same time without causng offence. its not that easy. i think i've kind of made some progress in it but i guess we'll see tongiht. i'm going out to the movies with her and tiff and i think some others. we'll have to see how things go.

till i screw up again....
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Jan. 31st, 2006 @ 08:54 pm well well well
My mind is: annoyedannoyed
doesn't life just get interesting sometimes, particularly when you don't really want it to.

i wanted to remain friends with bec and it seemed like we might. but she called this afternoon because she was bored, fine, we talked for like 20 minutes (long 'friends' convo eh?) and then she called just before tea saying she wanted me to come ovver there and that i was a bad friend because i wouldn't. i got the whole 'i'm the only friend she has and i'm a bad friend speach and crap. and she's just messaged saying she wants my crap out of her house.

i don't even know what i've left there, cd's maybe?
shit. now a msg saying that i should give her a 2nd chance. not this time though. sorry bec. there's too much of a difference between us.

right, i'm off to go around there and save here mum a drive and sort this out, one way or another. fuck i hate this shit.

any last words steve/tegan??

and yes i realise your thinking "he's a dumbass who's in the same situation again."

fuck! another year older and still the same shit. i'm on a fucking broken merry go round!
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Jan. 26th, 2006 @ 07:03 pm australia day
My mind is: melancholymelancholy
well, happy bloody australia day. i guess anyway.

we had a sailpast this morning (all the oats fly flags and sail past the waterfront to the onlooking crowds delight, or something to that effect anyway) it was quite fun really. and afterwards i saw some of the guys from council whihc was good as we watched the billycarts race. lameass track but still good fun.

but on the flipside, bec and i were hanging out with her friends Jamie (short gay man), Fiona and Tiff. the concert that jamie was in wasn't bad. this afternoon though bec got pissed at tiff and i went to settle her down and then she got pissed at me (this is a regular occurance by the way, i try to comfort her and become the one in trouble). anyway, long story short, we had an argument and i'd just had enough and so i broke up with her. i liked being with her alot but i just couldn't handle the amount of crap that went with being with her.

Love you bec, hope you find happiness. truly do.

but yeah, thats the big development of my australia day. hope all yours were better.

~~Shadoweaver~~
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Jan. 11th, 2006 @ 10:01 pm Life, and everything else.
Its been ages since i wrote, anything in fact, anywhere. i haven't truly written any stories in ages and its obvious i haven't written here in ages. what to write. lets just see what comes along in the great mess of my life.

I'm currently going out with a girl by the name of Bec, she's 17, almost 18. and i really don't know how much longer we'll last together, we've been together for about 3 to 4 months now. i've finished up at the council for my internship. which is kind of good. the money coming in was good. it allowed me to by my car whihc is great. a Eunos roadster, 2 door convertible, british racing green, tan leather interior, wood trim and mag wheels. i love my car, though it does need a wash, maybe thats what i can do in tomorrows heat.

as for uni, well shock horror i've fucked it up again. i only took ne subject but i failed it. and so now i'm being give an exclusion notice. i've given in my letter of appeal and so hopefully i'll be able to stay at uni, i've seriously got to put in the effort now. as dad said to me the other, now or never, either i put in the effort and get my degree or don't bother and find something else. i don't know what else so i'm going to try and put in the required effort and try and get myself interested in the degree. we'll have to wait and see on that score.

as for the rest of my life. I'm sailing every second sunday, and enjoying it. it's good to be sailing with a good crew these days. dad own's a boat now and we sail it in the wednesday twilights, we've been doing good, over the last three races we've had 2nd, 2nd, and 3rd. unfortunatly you only get a shirt for 1st place.
other than sailing though my life is pretty monotonous and boring. i'm laking the enthusiasm again for life, and i don't know what i can do about it. it just seems like its a series of steps between pointless events, all leading to nowhere.

with luck i shall find something or someone that makes my life happy and worthwhile. i'm still waiting for it though, and feel like i will be waiting a long time yet.

so to all who i care about i wish you the best of luck in the new year, the best of luck in all you do, and hope that should i wind up lying in the gutter, somewhere, someone will think "i think i recognise that bum..." as they wander through the monotonous path that is my life.

cheers to all.
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Jul. 21st, 2005 @ 10:04 pm i hate this
fuck i hate this. i failed two subjects out of my five at uni this semester. and so now i'm in the shits with my parents. to compound the problem they just won't accept it as it is and are trying to enforce their view. as fucking always. why is it that my own choices are never worthwhile. i know nothing about my own life, or so they believe. i hate that they can make me so frustrated with this whole shit, i just want to get out of it all and not have to worry about an of this shit again. but thats not going to happen, even if i wanted it i doubt my paretns would actively let me drop out of uni. i have none to little control over my own life, they dictate what can and can't happen. i hate this shit.
I HATE IT.
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